Whether or not you agree that George W. Bush was elected President, he was. President Bush has officially been sworn in (as President), and has starting doing Presidential things. Kicking off an aggressive agenda, Bush the Uniter took a divisive shot at a loophole in U.S. homicide law by banning federal funds for international organizations that promote or perform abortions, providing an incentive for aborters to leave European and Canadian babies alone.

*-Several powerful groups strongly hinted that Bush took his stance because he wanted to win the vote of racist militia members, a claim that perplexed many citizens because racist militia members would sooner vote for a bowl of mayonnaise than a Democrat.

On a different topic, Bush unveiled an education plan which stresses figuring out whether schools are making kids smarter, and which includes a controversial plan to let parents have more power over their kids’ lives.

Democrats, who disagree vehemently that parents should be allowed to take their children out of schools that waste money to put them in schools that don’t, are made very happy by the fact that your average American believes that he or she knows exactly where your kids should go to school.

Furthermore, there are already rumblings about a presumptuous Bush tax cut proposal which would decrease the tax burden by $1,600,000,000,000 over the course of three presidential terms—at least one of which will belong to somebody who’s not George W. Bush—and is based on the projections of the country’s foremost economists, media, and miscellaneous prescients.

While Americans tend to be fond of money and are therefore eager to receive $1,600,000,000,000 many Democrats in Congress feel that Bush’s plan doesn’t harvest with enough vigor the earnings of wealthy people. Because fewer than one in ten Americans are members of the wealthiest 5 percent of citizens, the reasoning goes, those of us who need some G’s can gang up and take money from rich people.

Politicians are also looking at Internet Privacy legislation which let you know how many people you’ve really given your phone number to. In all bills under consideration, most web sites will still require you to be eighteen.

Other pressing questions also faced President Bush, but they’re largely boring and have to do with trade and foreign states such as California. At the time this was written, Bush had made no official prediction concerning the outcome of the Super Bowl.