Dear Reader,

As I was ruminating on the nature of humanity earlier today, I pondered the methodological issues that plagued my project from the beginning - a lack of test subjects and a controlled environment. Flipping through Novum Organum, an epiphany hit me.

``The VanAndell Science Building,'' I muttered. ``There are plenty of students there, on whom I can experiment. If they say anything, I'll claim that it's DCM related. People will do anything you if call it DCM!''

Running into the Science Building, I immediately halted. Something caught my eye - something pink, long and smoothly contoured. Thinking that I had perhaps ventured into the Art department, I looked again - and indeed I had not been mistaken. Along the front wall, dear reader, was a series of human shaped, pink objects!

I crept over to the objects, and prodded it, testing for irritability. It exhibited none. I looked for a mouth, from which to extract cheek cells, but none was in evidence. I did a quick genitalia check in order to determine gender, but these also were missing (a new subspecies of humans, who reproduce asexually?) With a scalpel, I was able to penetrate the skin, and pull out a soft white down - probably an adaptation for cold Michigan winters.

Intrigued by my find, I quickly decided to test this strange creature for intelligence, using the standard test for machine intelligence - the Turing test.

As you can see, Subject 2 is clearly more intelligent. Both subjects scored average on the first three questions, but the answer to question number four was really the clincher. As we all know, telivision viewing is inversely related to intelligence. I therefore conclude that Subject 2 is more intelligent.

Much to my surprise, when I unveiled Subject 2, I found it was the pink übermensch that I had discovered. Apparently, a superspecies has evolved. Bow before the pink human-shaped inanimate objects, for they are your betters.