by maisie covert

Staff Writer

From Calvin walks to senior scrambles, Calvin students seem to have a reputation for pairing off.

The subject of marriage remains a popular one among college students in general, and most Calvin students seem to anticipate jumping from college life to married life.

Despite the thrill of searching Calvin's campus in hopes of finding a future spouse, the thought of marriage can be stressful and even frightening to many young couples. In hopes of easing premarital stress and helping couples gain a firm Christian foundation to their marriage, the Broene Counseling Center is offering a premarital workshop April 6 and April 13 from 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. under the instruction of Randy Wolthuis.

Wolthuis, the director of the Broene Counseling Center, believes that the workshop will be very beneficial to students as marriage counseling is an important step in the premarital process. Dr. Wolthuis believes that marriage counseling is extremely valuable for all married couples or those considering marriage and has shown a significant interest in working with couples through marriage therapy.

Research has shown that couples who participate in marriage counseling are generally ``more satisfied and remain married longer than couples who do not,'' says Dr. Wolthuis.

The workshop itself will focus on the keys of communication, conflict resolution and commitment within the relationship.

Dr. Wolthuis described the workshop as, ``a skills based approach to educating people about marriage.'' He believes that if a couple can learn the right skills, they can build the basis for a successful marriage.

Wolthuis wants to eradicate the myth that people cannot get along simply because they are different.

``How a couple handles conflict is the single greatest contributor to having a good marriage,'' he said.

Conflict management is therefore an important characteristic of a healthy marriage. Common failures include withdrawal and avoidance in the face of conflict.

The workshop will attempt to teach couples these key skills through a variety of exercises including a ``premarital inventory.'' Wolthuis described this standardized inventory, called ``PREPARE,'' which has been used among marriage counselors for about almost eight years.

The inventory focuses on highlighting strengths in the relationship as well as areas that could be further developed. Wolthuis considers the inventory to be a ``springboard for conversation,'' it explores areas within a relationship that need attention and gives the couple an opportunity to discuss them.

Couples will consider exactly what it is that they expected from a marriage relationship, how they were taught within their own family to deal with conflict and communication, and even their thoughts on money management.

Couples will also be able to talk to a counselor separately, outside of the workshop context in order to further explore potential problems and options for improvement.

Wolthuis believes that young couples need to ``start their marriage on a good footing ... they need to develop a very structured way of talking with each other of how it is they are feeling.''

Wolthuis claims that marriage erodes when the wrong things are done too often. Learning the skills needed to build communication and problem solving are central in avoiding marital destruction.

After the conclusion of the workshop, Wolthuis encourages further counseling of married couples. Within the Grand Rapids area both Pine Rest Family Institute and Engaged Encounter were recommended as helpful services.

Wolthuis also recommends that young married couples seek out another married couple, particularly a couple that has been married for several years, to act as their mentor. He explained that this couple might aid them by offering support and wisdom or simply by listening to the concerns of the couple as they adjust to married life.

In regards to maintaining a healthy Christian marriage, Wolthuis recommends forming a strong spiritual base to the relationship.

This can be formed through regular church attendance by the couple, shared worship and devotion and especially through prayer, which Wolthuis explains can also be used as an influential tool during conflict. A mentor couple that is of similar faith can also aid in maintaining a Christian marriage by serving as a common spiritual reference point for the younger couple.

The premarital workshop remains focused on the skills needed to conquer communication, conflict and commitment within a relationship. Wolthuis hopes that among other things, couples will walk away with an understanding that, ``marriage is good, but it takes work. Love is not all you need.''