By Julie Steele

A&E Editor

When I was young, I had a favorite poem: ``I've never seen a purple cow/ I never hope to see one/ But I can tell you anyhow/ They'd rather see than be one.'' Just recently, I came up with a new version: ``I've never heard a Christian version of Ozzy Ozborne/ I never hope to hear one/ But I can tell you anyhow/ too many Christian artists are just a bunch of wannabes.''

As A&E editor, I receive a lot of different CDs in the mail from record labels that want me to review their albums in the Chimes. Honestly, some of these slip through the cracks because there's just no time to review that many CDs. But mostly they don't get reviewed because, upon reading the accompanying promotional material and spinning a few tracks of each album, I judge them to be unworthy of my time or yours.

An interesting trend has appeared through this process, however, and I thought I would share it with you. Not all, but certainly most, of the CDs that get tossed in the `unworthy' pile are from Christian artists. Why? Because they're trying to be the latest version of a `secular' band that already exists, and they have no actual musical ingenuity.

You'd be amazed at how many letters I've gotten from promoters who claim that their band is going to be the next U2/Coldplay. This makes me laugh almost as hard as the time, back in the day, when I heard a radio dj say that Oasis was going to be the next Beatles. Really, why would a musician want to be the next anybody? If you're trying to emulate another musician's style, it can only mean one thing: you're not about the music, you're about the profit share.

Again, not all the wannabes I've seen are Christian artists, but the vast majority of them are. I guess I find the phenomenon particularly sad within the Christian music industry because if anyone should be about exploring the gift of music and not about aiming at a target market, it should be them. And when you try to be the Christian version of Britney Spears (you think I'm kidding? I'll show you the press release), aiming at the target market is exactly what you're doing.

As a disclaimer, I am not trying to make any kind of blanket statement about Christian music in general. I have the highest regard for bands like Caedmon's Call and Over the Rhine, who have not only worked hard to develop their musical abilities and a unique sound, but also have written songs that grapple with real-life issues instead of simply sugar-coating the Christian faith in their lyrics. My argument is not even with Michael W. Smith or Amy Grant types, though I do have separate issues with them. I'm talking about the Plus Ones, Stacy Orricos and John Reubens out there. On the one hand, I can see the advantage of giving parents something for their preteens to listen to instead of N*Sync, Britney, or JaRule. But let's take a closer look.

What kind of alternatives is there, really? Instead of `you're really cute and I want to have sex with you,' as N*sync might say, you have Plus One saying things to the effect of `you're really cute and I want to make out with you.' Instead of Britney Spears giving the message `you wish you were my boyfriend, but you can't be because I want a lot of boys,' you have Stacy Orrico giving the message `you wish you were my boyfriend, but you can't be because Jesus is.'

And don't get me started on John Reuben. First of all, the fact that he's a middle-class suburban guy trying to be ghetto is bad enough. But as a Christian rap artist, does he really expect to gain respect singing songs with titles such as ``I John Reu''?!? Give me a break.

These are not alternatives. They are simply artists who recycle the styles and sounds of other performers and then tweak the lyrics to be `cleaner.' This is postmodernism in action, folks, the recycling of art, the philosophy that there is nothing new under the sun. Personally, I'd rather support artists who are bringing something new to the world.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a sad state of affairs when musicians in general, and Christian musicians in particular, feel they have to copy someone else's style in order to be heard. I seriously question the motives of such `art,' and I'm tired of reading press releases for albums of artists who promise to be the next somebody else. JUST BE YOURSELF. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go listen to some U2.