The profound stupidity of secular American culture reared its ugly head two weeks ago when accusations of sexual abuse swept through the Roman Catholic Church. Although Catholics were rightly both shocked and yet made somber over the affair, the population-at-large descended upon the church like vultures that think they've spotted weak prey - and the worst is yet to come.

Everywhere from newspaper columns to radio talk shows, advice and opinions (valued at about $0.05 a pound) came pouring in on how the Catholic Church should change its stance on the issue of celibacy because, in the words of columnists themselves, ``the Church brought this controversy on itself.''

This editorial will disregard the argument of celibacy itself - surely that has been taken up enough to make us all painfully aware of the various sides of the issue. It focus, instead, is on the rapscallions in the media and in society who have come out the woodwork proposing that they have a quick, five-minute fix to an issue that has reverberated throughout the annals of the Catholic Church as long as anyone can remember.

These people are often, though not exclusively, members of American society who are not Catholic or who have no intelligent conception of Catholic theology and church history. As a result, the ``solutions'' they offer are often half-brained concoctions that stress absolute conformity under the narrow banner of political correctness and a psychoanalysis of the Church's problem.

But these ``solutions'' completely miss the point about why, in the Catholic mind, celibacy is important, and they equivocate on terms like ``tradition.'' The whole secular discussion has quickly become a soup of bad logic and general misunderstanding.

Now, do not misinterpret this as yet another rant against the supposed ``liberal media'' - it is no such thing. It is a very serious critique of the media's inability to speak intelligently about deeply academic and spiritual topics - theology and dogma chiefly among them.

It is both bewildering and offensive to hear quick sound bytes that reduce the whole debate over celibacy to a false dichotomy of yes or no. It completely removes any theological voice from the discussion and makes celibacy seem merely like something that the cruel and dogmatic church imposes upon the downtrodden members of its bishopric.

In some ways, maybe, this is not surprising, since theology seems to be among the most dry topics about which one can write. It's no secret that journalists go out of their way to avoid such controversial and tedious subjects as Biblical textual criticism and the Christian interpretation of sexual ethics. However, by discounting or completely eliminating these things, the media has spun their characterization of this issue into a beast radically different from its original incarnation.

In a trickle-down effect, it seems that a good deal of the American population has picked up on this pejorative mentality and has begun questioning two things. First, some have suggested that there are problems with some of the basic tenets of the Catholic Church, as if this one fissure was indicative of a large-scale rift lurking just below the surface. Secondly, the effectiveness of the Church in the current (we will add: postmodern) society has come into question.

On this second point, it is noted quite rightly that the Church should be a shelter and safe haven. When that illusion of safety is shattered, the Church becomes more like a hideous monster than a mother hen with open wings.

However, we should endeavor to note that this illusion is frequently and repeatedly shattered, yet it does not discount the catholic (little `c') church's overarching beneficial place within society.

Make no mistake: a vile and evil tragedy has occurred, and it must be dealt with, and its implications for the larger spectrum of theology and ecclesiology must be considered. However, the way to do this is that way in which Christianity is so proficient: systematically and in constant dialogue with the church and with tradition - historical, theological, real church tradition.

Those who assume off-handedly that they can heal this problem by amputating the entire tradition are as delusional as those who think they can heal this problem by applying a Band-Aid. The Catholic Church has encountered a major problem: let us endeavor to take the issue as seriously as it really is.

- christian bell