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A ditch digger and twenty gold-diggers
By Maria Post
Perspectives Co-Editor
FILE PHOTO
Perspectives Co-Editor Maria Post bumped into Evan on a trip to Paris, France during the taping of "Joe Millionaire."
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After criticizing my fellow “The Bachelor”-watching females for over a year now, I finally (and with some excitement, might I add) hunkered down two Mondays ago to watch the much-discussed new reality series being aired by Fox. I expected greatness: Fox, after all, is famous for delighting the American public with superb, high quality television, from last year’s family favorite “Temptation Island,” to the breathtaking and suspense-inducing plots of “Fastlane” to the up-and-coming new series “Married By America,” in which we the viewers decide who is compatible.
But I’m getting ahead of myself! Monday night’s delectable tidbit from the glimmering tray of delightful programming proffered by Fox was none other than “Joe Millionaire.” Having missed the first episode, I became an outsider from the world of reality television, and, as a result, would have been left out of a good deal of stimulating conversations had I not listened to Chicago radio personalities on my way back to Calvin two weeks ago. In an effort to further alleviate my ignorance and see what all the fuss was about, I have been eagerly sitting down the past two weeks, prepared to be thrilled by the $50 million lie.
Of course, right off the bat I encountered the hunky Evan Marriot, who has been aptly described as being tall, dark and handsome, a charming mixture of Gaston from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast,” Jethro Bodine from “The Beverly Hillbillies” and David Puddy from “Seinfeld.” But he wasn’t just good looking: his intellect and wisdom throughout the second and third episodes surprised and captivated me, especially when he said of mucking out a stable: “This is about as romantic as an iodine enema.” Personally, I would have never related the two, but Evan has opened my eyes to the glory of creative comparison. In this week’s episode, Evan romantically described Sarah, one of the female contestants, as having a “hot little rocket body.” If my boyfriend is reading this, take note.
And then there were the glamorous female contestants, dressed to thrill (and kill with those pointy-heeled boots that seemed ever so popular). The whole premise of the show is love and deception, and as the catty female contestants dwindled, my interest in their hilarious antics grew more intense. Perhaps the favorite phrase I continued to hear was “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.” Also amusing was the emphatically uttered contention by many a contestant that they weren’t there for Evan’s $50 million—they were there to meet someone special. This, of course, is a blatant lie, as there would be no other reason to go on this show if you weren’t looking for a stroll down Easy Street. To put it another way, if you were single and wanted to “meet someone special,” wouldn’t it be much easier to find an eligible male that 19 other women weren’t struggling to woo?
I know that I should be disgusted—thoroughly and totally disgusted—by “Joe Millionaire” and the unbridled shallowness it breeds; most other television reality series (and most of the shows aired on Fox) have sickened me. And yet, I find myself looking forward to Monday nights so that I see what new levels of idiocy are achieved, leading me to believe that I may in fact be a shallow person. But then again, I know many an educated and sophisticated individual (all of them women, mind you) who have also been sucked in, and I am struggling to figure out exactly why this is. Is it because we are entertainment consumers, and because this type of show is something new and innovative? Or is it because the notion of a fantasy world is (however slightly) attractive? Or maybe it’s just Evan (but I doubt it).
This show, however, has caused me a great deal of concern. I have been forced to wonder if this is what we believe about relationships, that they can be molded to a certain ideal and that love can be manipulated and contrived. Can a person fall in love with another person just because he or she wants to? I tend to doubt it, and yet Mojo, Melissa, Sarah and Zora (the four remaining “Joe Millionaire” contestants) seem to have no trouble thinking they’re going to be able to fall for Evan at the drop of a gorgeous necklace. The other problem with any sort of relationship forged on this show is the fact that it will be based on deception. How can these people know each other, let alone love each other, when they’ve been living a complete lie? I can’t help wondering if this show is going to undermine our conception of romantic relationships, make us believe that love is contrived and fleeting. One of my favorite Bible passages speaks beautifully about this issue: “Place me like a seal over your heart,/like a seal over your arm;/for love is as strong as death,/its jealousy unyielding as the grave./It burns like blazing fire,/like a mighty flame./Many waters cannot quench love;/rivers cannot wash it away./If one were to give/all the wealth of his house for love,/it would be utterly scorned” (Song of Songs 8:6-7). True love is powerful, more powerful than money, and, in my opinion, a lot harder to come by.
Don’t get me wrong, though. If you need me at 9:00 next Monday night, I will definitely be in front of the TV with my First Bennink friends watching history as it unfolds before my very eyes…right. After all, I need to take notes. I’m thinking of launching my own television reality series, and the premise is quite similar to “Joe Millionaire”: it’s going to be called “Who Wants to Marry an Imbecile?”
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