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Vive la France
BY MARIE PIEU
Guest Writer
FILE PHOTO
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The United States has finally come up with a brilliant way to retaliate against France. France, traditionally an ally, gave the United States “The Big Diss” when it refused to lend support to Operation Iraqi Freedom. In a moment of profound clarity and genius, Republicans led a movement to return the favor—taking the “French” out of food.
So imagine the faux pas I committed when I ordered French fries from a restaurant the other day. The waiter stared me down, cowboy-style, slapped his notepad on the table and glared a steely-eyed glare.
“I think you mean freedom fries, lil’ lady,” he said.
Utterly confused, I bumbled along the ordering process and was surprised to find that breakfast’s unchallenged king, that most wonderfully eggy and sticky of satisfying special delights, had been stripped of its title and renamed "freedom toast."
My dining companion, Antoine Poulet, caught on quickly. “I’d like a hamburger with a side of justice,” he confidently declared.
The other day while listening to the radio, I heard the tale of a Lebanese man in California who had the misguided luck to name his chain of drycleaners French Cleaners. In light of France’s
lack of support for U.S. intervention in Iraq, customers have been making obscene gestures through the windows and spitting on the floors and on their checks. If that doesn’t show those snooty French who’s boss,
I don’t know what will. I’m glad Americans are approaching this situation with thought, maturity and openness.
Without American support for food bearing (often erroneously I was once told) the nation’s name, I am certain the French economy will tumble into ruin and despite the fashion, perfume and cosmetics industries, the nation will never recover.
But that’s what they get for messing with the biggest superpower on earth. Maybe they’ll think twice next time they slap us in the face. So take that, Frenchie, and just remember—c’est la vie.
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