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Be yourself ... everyone else is
By Steve van Stempvoort
Staff Writer
FILE PHOTO
Pablo Picasso's "Women and Mirror" depicts an act of self seeking.
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It is right and fitting that I am my own. Or so they tell me.
At one time, of course, I was myself. I did not even need any urging. And then, suddenly, I was told to be that way – to throw off peer pressure and become my own person, to shine my own light, to believe what I want to believe, to do what I want to do, to say my own words, to think my own thoughts, to dream my own dreams, and to tie my own shoes.
So I conformed. And I became unique, just like everyone else.
It is somewhat of an odd thing to be told not to listen. It’s like someone drawing a picture depicting the uselessness of art, or someone saying, “This sentence is false,” or someone eating a hot dog without mustard.
I suppose the idea behind it all is to rebel against conformity. Clones, after all, are inherently evil. We have risen beyond the age of being mute followers of the in-crowd. We are no longer malleable clay. We are all leaders. And none shall follow.
But ironically, nothing has really changed. We are conforming to a non-conformist ideal. We are still all striving toward the same goal – the goal of not striving toward anyone else’s goals. All we are doing when we seek individuality is conforming to the prevailing view of who and what we all should be.
Now, I am not saying that our goal in life should be to “fit in” or exactly duplicate everybody else’s characteristics or blindly follow our peers’ instructions. Everybody is inherently unique, and recognition of our differing characteristics is important. But it should not be our life’s goal to be unique for its own sake. The active pursuit of individuality and blind emphasis on variation without knowing why is a rather tragic mistake to make.
The first problem with the conscious quest for “being oneself” is that it puts the focus exactly where it shouldn’t be – on the self. The search for individuality starts with an introspective search for the self, an attempt to “find oneself.” Perhaps it is unfair to label this as “self-seeking,” but this introspection is problematic in that mere self-contemplation will never help us define our role. Those who are lost need landmarks to find the way home. In the same way, focusing on others (and ultimately God) is the only way to become aware of our specific role in life. We need others to define what it means to be specifically us in relation to them.
Without this emphasis on others, we find ourselves in isolation – adrift from the community and the collective, introverted and wondering. It is possible to be very alone, even if we ponder who this lonely being is.
It is also possible to do all of the above very well, to scour one’s soul with searing irons, to learn more about oneself and to more completely live up to the Delphic admonition. But even if we get to the point where we know ourselves, should we be happy with who we are? Should we indulge ourselves so much that we are content with everything that we find? Or is it possible that we will find something rooted in the depths of our being that we can only despise – something we wish we could change? Perhaps, after all, being content with the entirety of who we are is one of the biggest mistakes we can make. We need to change some aspects of ourselves for the better. To claim that everything in ourselves is acceptable in its static state is self-delusional.
The question, of course, is in what ways we should change. To whose ideals should we conform? We are consistently told that we should not let anyone tell us who we are or who we should be. Taken to its logical conclusion, this means that we don’t have to yield to any authority – in fact, obedience is discouraged. And yet, Christ demands from us not only conformity of behavior (i.e. obeying rules) but conformity of being. We are to be Christ-like. Our selves are required to change, and they are supposed to conform to his. Some particulars, of course, can differ from person to person, but at our root, we are to be one. While variation is a good thing and will exist, it is not to be our goal. Our purpose in life is to become like Christ, to become one with each other in him.
Variation and individuality are, of course, wonderful things. But they cannot become our focus -- ends in themselves. If being unique is our goal, it will consistently elude us – attempting individuality is a contradiction in terms.
Perhaps the easiest way to be ourselves is simply to be. If we live in a constant pursuit of our unique selves, the search will last forever. If we simply live, conscious of our duty to God and to others, perhaps our true selves will emerge without our hunting them.
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